3:31pm, Tuesday, 1st April '14
Friendships can be painful, especially when one is good at making friends, but not good at keeping friends. A friend of mine has a motto that he has to describe his life, "Great at making friends, better at losing them."
Another friend explained to me once that friendship is a two-way street, but it seems one needs psychic skills to stay on top of what makes friends happy and what can offend them.
In a close friendship of only two, it's easy to do things and get along, but no sooner more people get into the mix, misunderstandings can occur even when one tries to avoid them. Other emotions get in the way and when this happens, the strong friendship one has built, can be torn apart in an instant.
Jealousy, as an example, is a deadly emotion. People have killed for this emotion. I remember reading once that anger, in itself, isn't an emotion. It's the outcome of other emotions, so that when someone is angry, what they are actually feeling is something like: hurt, frustration, shock (or surprise), jealousy amongst other feelings. So now I keep my anger in check, I try to think why it is I'm actually angry and try to work out what triggered it so I can turn the emotion around. It doesn't always work, admittedly, and even when it does, it can create misunderstandings in others.
And how exactly does sharing work when you try to share something out equally, but then one person will feel that they're not getting their fair go at the item shared despite giving as much out as they could, but when they try to raise the issue, it gets thrown back at that person, which leaves them feeling confused. And it isn't even greed that one person is concerned with or selfishness. It's the need to just share what perhaps two of the other persons have. Should they speak up and say something or just best to cut all ties to save pain and heartache.
If a person is inexperienced in keeping friends, then why bother make friends to begin with? Is it best that they remain the loner if that's what they're more comfortable with, or is there some key benefits that being part of a friendship can have? Even if they don't get the fair end of that friendship.
If that person reads too much into body language or another's thoughts, could that be another hazard that's a good reason to not make friends? There are so many articles these days on how to make friends, what body language to use, and when one reads those articles then find their friends use a completely different body language which then makes a person feel inadequate as to how their relationship is based, does that person then ditch the people who fail to meet up to the criteria of the 'friendship' articles.
Buying friends apparently is not a good way of going about things, but if truth be told, at least with buying friends, as long as one has the money, then one has friends. I would happily buy friends just for the sake of keeping them, although if I had this privilege I'd probably pick and choose my friends more and that way I would just "buy" the ones I really like.
I like the word "Network", I like how people get into networking these days. It's a nice way of saying professional friendship. As in, "You're a doctor, I'm a doctor, let's go have a few drinks and compare notes", or the other form of Networking, "I'm a writer, you're a publisher, let's become friends and maybe one day we can make use of each other's skills". Those words might not actually be said, but in the round about way that people socialise, it's clearly what's on one's mind when 'networking'.
I think I like this word better. I've decided I don't need to be a hermit or remain a loner, but I won't try to make friends anymore. However, I will continue to 'network' and who knows, that's perhaps how multi-millionaires have survived over the years, they don't make friends they network and if they want friends they buy people off.
I can live with that.
Friendships can be painful, especially when one is good at making friends, but not good at keeping friends. A friend of mine has a motto that he has to describe his life, "Great at making friends, better at losing them."
Another friend explained to me once that friendship is a two-way street, but it seems one needs psychic skills to stay on top of what makes friends happy and what can offend them.
In a close friendship of only two, it's easy to do things and get along, but no sooner more people get into the mix, misunderstandings can occur even when one tries to avoid them. Other emotions get in the way and when this happens, the strong friendship one has built, can be torn apart in an instant.
Jealousy, as an example, is a deadly emotion. People have killed for this emotion. I remember reading once that anger, in itself, isn't an emotion. It's the outcome of other emotions, so that when someone is angry, what they are actually feeling is something like: hurt, frustration, shock (or surprise), jealousy amongst other feelings. So now I keep my anger in check, I try to think why it is I'm actually angry and try to work out what triggered it so I can turn the emotion around. It doesn't always work, admittedly, and even when it does, it can create misunderstandings in others.
And how exactly does sharing work when you try to share something out equally, but then one person will feel that they're not getting their fair go at the item shared despite giving as much out as they could, but when they try to raise the issue, it gets thrown back at that person, which leaves them feeling confused. And it isn't even greed that one person is concerned with or selfishness. It's the need to just share what perhaps two of the other persons have. Should they speak up and say something or just best to cut all ties to save pain and heartache.
If a person is inexperienced in keeping friends, then why bother make friends to begin with? Is it best that they remain the loner if that's what they're more comfortable with, or is there some key benefits that being part of a friendship can have? Even if they don't get the fair end of that friendship.
If that person reads too much into body language or another's thoughts, could that be another hazard that's a good reason to not make friends? There are so many articles these days on how to make friends, what body language to use, and when one reads those articles then find their friends use a completely different body language which then makes a person feel inadequate as to how their relationship is based, does that person then ditch the people who fail to meet up to the criteria of the 'friendship' articles.
Buying friends apparently is not a good way of going about things, but if truth be told, at least with buying friends, as long as one has the money, then one has friends. I would happily buy friends just for the sake of keeping them, although if I had this privilege I'd probably pick and choose my friends more and that way I would just "buy" the ones I really like.
I like the word "Network", I like how people get into networking these days. It's a nice way of saying professional friendship. As in, "You're a doctor, I'm a doctor, let's go have a few drinks and compare notes", or the other form of Networking, "I'm a writer, you're a publisher, let's become friends and maybe one day we can make use of each other's skills". Those words might not actually be said, but in the round about way that people socialise, it's clearly what's on one's mind when 'networking'.
I think I like this word better. I've decided I don't need to be a hermit or remain a loner, but I won't try to make friends anymore. However, I will continue to 'network' and who knows, that's perhaps how multi-millionaires have survived over the years, they don't make friends they network and if they want friends they buy people off.
I can live with that.